Well i am a full-time college student now, and I actually really like it. I really feel like i am bettering myself and actually getting somewhere in life......finally!! But one thing has been really getting me down about the whole experience. Now i know i will always be confronted with issues like this throughout my life, but, the complete misuse or just flat out mockery and disrespect of God and the bible is almost more than i can take. Now i do what i can do to spread my view, my life, my God's word. I talk to people who are close and seem interested in what i have to offer, most of the time to scoffing or changing of the subject. But as i sit in the library doing homework, or walking to my next class, or even in class itself, its just so sad to see the confusion and the lost and the hurt people around me. And it's everywhere! The students, the teachers, even the college textbooks! All heretic shells of a figure that was supposed to be made in the image of God! The complete disregard and language that would make a sailor step back is mind blowing to me. I pray every night that i can go through a day without a GD bomb or overhearing someone making fun of a christian and stopping right away when i come strolling up in my NOTW t-shirt. I even have a teacher that told me that i can write about anything i want for my essay just as long as i wasn't beating her over the head with a bible or handing tracts out to her! This is not the world that God wanted. There are so many warning signs, so many chances that He gives to the walking dead, to make them come to life again and be welcomed into the most loving and caring family and have everlasting life through His grace and His life. But people are so clouded with modern society and modern evils that they are so self-absorbed and selfish and hateful that they wont even give it a thought. As a a matter of fact they become enraged! So just vile-spitting angry at the message or the messenger. It breaks my heart at times to know that i was once wearing that same disguise, to hide myself from the truth, from the light, from God Himself. But every night, when i was alone, i had to take that disguise off and look at myself in the mirror, and no matter how many times i told myself i was happy, i was lying. I was so unhappy, so alone, so scared and self destructive that i never thought that anything could fill that hole. Then i started listening. I finally stopped. I lay, broken wide open and the Lord God himself came and filled me up with his spirit, His grace, His word, His love! I have not been the same since. And i know that i was in the same place as, at least alot, of these people that i come into contact with. I just pray that maybe they see me, hear me, understand me, so i can be some sort of a gateway to God and his love. I pray for the strength to have the right words when those situations arise so i don't misuse or misquote anything that God has taught me. Anyway i just really feel like i had to get that off of my chest and talk a bit. If you read this whole thing, thank you. And if you feel the same way, hit me up! Maybe we can chat and pray and try to figure out some kind of a game plan. God bless.
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